What the Fuck Gilfoyle Does?

It’s not magic, it’s talent and sweat. People like me ensure your packets get delivered unsniffed. So what do I do? I make sure that one bad config on one key component doesn’t bankrupt the entire fucking company. That’s what the fuck I do

Jared: So, um, can you kinda catch me up on what you see as your role in the company? What do you do?

Gilfoyle: What do I do? System architecture, networking and security. No one in this house can touch me on that.

Jared: Okay, that’s good to know.

Gilfoyle: But does anybody appreciate that? While you were busy minoring in gender studies and singing a capella at Sarah Lawrence, I was gaining root access to NSA servers. I was one click away from starting a second Iranian Revolution.

Jared: I actually went to Vassar.

Gilfoyle: I prevent cross-site scripting. I monitor for DDoS attacks, emergency database rollbacks, and faulty transaction handlings. The Internet - heard of it? - transfers half a petabyte of data minute; do you have any idea how that happens? All those YouPorn ones and zeroes streaming directly to your shitty little smartphone day after day, every dipshit who shits his pants if he can’t get the new dubstep Skrillex remix in under twelve seconds?

It’s not magic, it’s talent and sweat.

Gilfoyle

People like me ensure your packets get delivered unsniffed. So what do I do? I makes sure that one bad config on one key component doesn’t bankrupt the entire fucking company. That’s what the fuck I do.

Richard: …That’s basically what I told him.